Commonly Misused English |
WRONG: "I wish I was rich."
RIGHT: "I wish I were rich."
Remember the famous song from Fiddler on the Roof? Why did
Tevye use were and not was when he sang "If I were a rich man"?
Because he was expressing a desire he knew was unlikely ever to
be fulfilled, and
that requires the subjunctive mood. In the subjunctive, the
verb "to be" is always expressed as were -- even if the subject is
singular.
When should you use the subjunctive? Anytime you're saying something that is highly unlikely or contrary to fact. A good test is to add a "but" statement to the sentence: "If I were you (but I'm not), I'd lose weight"; "If it were up to me (but it's not), everyone would get a raise."
When you use as if, as though, if and wish to express something contrary to fact, remember the song and use were, not was.
Just say it the way it's spelled: NU-cle-ar.
The other is as a reflexive pronoun: in the statement "I hurt myself", myself allows the action of the verb (hurt) to "reflect" back upon the subject (I).
Don't use myself, yourself, himself or herself as the subject of a sentence.
Someone once said don't talk about "me, me, me". They were not suggesting that the word "me" is not to be used, rather they were suggesting that one should not always speak of oneself. In other words, don't toot your own horn all the time. Unfortunately, many people misinterpret this to mean do not use the work "me". They then substitute the work "myself" incorrectly. This only demonstrates that they do not know proper useage. This is more common in the USA, as you will generally hear correct useage when listening to the BBC
When using a sense verb, substitute am, are or is, and you'll immediately see whether -ly is called for afterward.
The room was big enough to accommodate two couples -- both the C's and the M's.
Fewer refers to individual items that can be counted and almost always describes plural nouns: "Fewer cakes were sold at this year's bake sale." Less refers to amount or bulk and is used with a singular noun: "To lose weight, I need to eat less cake."
There is only one exception. The phrase less than can refer to blocks of time or amounts of money: "Less than ten years remain until the end of the millennium"; "Less than $50 was collected at the bake sale."
Less fat; fewer calories.
To cite the report, he said there is a line of sight from here to the site.
Fun With English |
English muffins weren't invented in England nor french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was dis-combobulated, grunted, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!
Didn't George Bernard Shaw pronounce GHOTI as fish?
The GH as F as in enough.
The I as the O in women
and the TI as SH as in fruition.
"It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word." - Andrew Jackson
From the instruction sheet for an AMP connector crimping tool:
Rocking lance of the extracted contact would be deformed. AMP
recommends to use new contact. If you use extracted contact again,
reform the deformation of the rocking lance as new contact by
using small screw driver before re-insert. If the contact damaged during
extraction or reformation, Do Not use the extracted contact again.
Keep the tool not to damaged after use.
From the Voice Processing System integration manual for a Panasonic
model KX-T123211D telephone system:
-- When you set Call Forwarding, an extension number of extension with which
the VPS is connected should be set as an extension number of extension to which call is
forwarded. Voice Mail Port should be set to the extensions which are
connected to VPS.
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how alot of others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally...
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
From: "Ben Smith" ben.smith (at) design.otago.ac.nz
Subject: Isnīt this an example of assonance as opposed to
alliteration?
Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 22:37:16 +0100
"6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration."
Iīve always thought that alliteration was a consonant-only thing.
Hereīs a quote plucked from the net. Definitely not conclusive
as the source wasnīt stated, but interesting all the same:
"Assonance is the sequential repetition of vowel sounds,
particularly in stressed syllables, as in the line
"Full fathom five thy father lies," in which "fathom"
and "father" and "five" and "lies" have paralleled vowel
sounds."
The syllables in question are definitely stressed, and
they fit well into two groups. The first two words share
the same vowel sound, as do the last three.
I donīt have any books on me that might be good for
checking this, since Iīm in Norway and donīt speak Norwegian,
but Iīd be interested if you could come back to me with some
more information.
Nice page, I love that sort of thing.
Ben
--------------------
Webster:
alliteration: the repetition of usu. initial consonant sounds
in two or more neighboring words or sylables (as wild and wooly,
threatening throngs) -- called also head rhyme, initial rhyme.
assonance:
1: resemblance of sound in words or syllables
2a: relatively close juxtaposition of similar sounds esp. of vowels
2b: repetition of vowels without repetition of consonants
(as stony and holy) used as an alternative to rhyme in verse.
So it seems you are correct. Interestingly the on-line version
of Webster's on my web page didn't know either word...
I'm not sure if the error was intentional or accidental since
in this piece, which I did not author, it is hard to tell where
the humor leaves off and the serious stuff begins.
...j0e
-------------
From: "Ian Dron" IanDron (at) tesco.net
Subject: Look at rule 26!
Date: Mon, 9 Jul 2001 00:01:14 +0100
Dear Joe
I enjoyed your site Joe, but on page-
verbal.html
I quote -
--Like "to be", they connect a subject to it's modifier--
Having said that, keep up the good work.
Best Wishes
Ian Dron
Why don't these words rhyme? The only difference is the first letter. beard heard bowl fowl cave have come home food wood gone done wand hand watch match weight height
| skivvy-dipping | looking for re-usable underwear in the hamper | |
| whomnesia | can't remember whosis's name |
Translations just for fun
World Wide Words investigating international English from a British standpoint
The Word Detective Words and Language in a Humorous Vein Since 1995
American vs. English:
British words with definitions for Americans.
British vs. American English
Latin Sayings
Latin Sayings
UCSD Dictionary searches several of them.
Dictionary.Com
More Words, definitions and lots more fun.
